We’re heading in to what I hear a lot of farm women say is “single wife/mom season” — aka planting season. Long hours, short tempers, events missed, tractor rides to spend time with husband/dad, and meals on the go characterize this season. There’s a lot riding on the seeds getting planted at the right time with the right equipment during the most opportune weather. There are lots of acres to cover and work to be done.
I work with my husband, Matt, on his family farming operation. We don’t have kids so I work almost the same number of hours alongside him. I can understand both sides of the coin with working too many hours — not spending enough time with loved ones, yet needing to get the crops in the ground.
As with most things, it’s a tightrope to walk, and not many of us are great at the balancing. Marriage is hard. Most of us get caught up in the living of life — work, family, cleaning, laundry, bill paying, friendships, dishes, volunteering, church, and so much more — we forget to invest in the person we’re doing it with. They are the person there during all of it. We know they are our person and therefore, they see our best and worst. We start expecting them to do all the things and forget to thank them for the little (and big) jobs they do for us to keep our lives flowing.
It’s important, for me, when I get angry and bitter to remind myself that my husband is a good-willed man. He tries, he loves me and he generally wants the best for me and our marriage. The easy reaction in those moments of hurt is to think how awful a person he is, how he doesn’t care about me at all, how his priorities are all screwed up and how he never thinks about me or what I care about.
That’s not the truth for me and I’m guessing that’s not the truth in your marriage.
Marriage is two human beings. We have different thoughts, feelings and priorities. Farming and ranching is such a difficult profession because there is constant stress and thousands of dollars riding on almost every decision you make. It’s a lot. It breaks a lot of people and a lot of couples.
I’ve thought more about this recently as I’ve gone through some old houses and sheds on property that belongs to my parents. These houses haven’t been lived in for years and years. They were supposed to have been cleaned out and gone through when their owners moved out. I love scavenging through old buildings and sheds. It’s so fun to think about the owners’ lives. I especially love kitchens. Most of those old houses had such small kitchens, yet they were the “hub” of the house. It’s where hours and hours were spent preserving and preparing food for their families. My kitchen is two to three times as large as theirs, and I’m guessing I don’t turn out nearly as delicious food as they did. It leads me to the thought that bigger is not always better.
These houses, which were supposed to be cleaned out, still have stuff in them. It’s so interesting to me what is left behind and not “important” enough to be moved, sold or disposed of in the trash. It’s simply left. While most of it really is just trash, there is “good” and usable items. I think about the people of these houses. I imagine they worked hard to keep their houses cleaned up, they lived their lives in these houses, they loved their homes; yet theses houses now sit neglected and abandoned filled with leftover items.
The truth, that we all know, nobody gets out of life alive. The things that once seem so important, suddenly become much less so when faced with life altering situations. Planting at the exact right moment seems incredibly important until you are faced with death or sickness. It’s a message we know, but need gentle reminders that it’s not nearly as important as we think it is.
With all that said, as we hit the fields running this spring, don’t forget the people. All of the material possessions we have will be left behind when we leave this life. It won’t matter what planter, tractor, pickup, or the number of acres you had. If you like planting corn, then by all means, make agriculture your life’s work.
But my hope for you this planting season from one farmer to another: Worry less about being the first one in the field, how straight of lines you plant (except along the highway — those really do have to be straight. I’m kidding!), and getting done first. Focus more on how blessed we are to do what we do with the people we do it with. Don’t forget what an absolute miracle it is to take a seed, put it in the ground, and watch it contribute to the world’s food supply.
Kelsey Pagel is a Kansas farmer. She grew up on a cow/calf and row crop operation and married into another. Kelsey and her Forever (Matt) farm and ranch with his family where they are living their dream and loving most of the moments.
