New year, new goals, new you?
Not for me!
It’s far enough in to the new year that most have given up those pesky new year’s resolutions. The gyms are emptying back out to the regulars, the fast food lines are starting to get long again, the big dream and goals will have to be put on the back burner.
I used to buy in to the hustle mindset. Do more, be more, have more. Work harder. It’s never enough. You can’t be content with what you have.
As farmers, we all know the work is never done. There’s always more to do. Your neighbor will always appear to have more or better equipment, etc., etc., etc.
This year, I encourage you to let it all go. Quit worrying about social media and what “they” are telling you. Better yet, unfollow the people that bring negative energy or thoughts in to your life. I’m not saying delete everyone you disagree with. I firmly believe disagreement, respectful disagreements, can make us grow and become better humans.
Instead focus on the things that matter to you. Our cross country coach in high school always said, “You can be content, but never satisfied.”
I take great delight in being a homemaker. We don’t have kids, but I still enjoy making made from scratch food, fresh milled breads, laundry neatly organized, a clean house, a regular workout routine, quiet time in my Bible.
In the past, I’ve not taken the time for it though because there’s always something on the farm. And does it really matter if the laundry is actually put away or we wear clean clothes from a basket? Or are we really going to die if we grab something in town as we go through to eat instead of cooking at home? Or I move enough on the farm, I don’t need to waste anymore of my day doing a workout when there’s more important things to be done.
After 10 years of marriage and working on my husband’s farm daily alongside him, I’m finding out no matter how hard I work or hours I put in, it will never be enough. There will always be more to do. My husband is never going want to quit working because he delights in the farm and working. It’s easy to get bitter and hateful toward him for that — and if he’s working then I have to work too.
I feel guilty when I come home in the evenings and just want to collapse on the couch while he’s still going. But he doesn’t feel guilty when he comes home and I’m working in the house.
I’m not saying we have it figured out. But we keep learning and adapting and falling down and getting back up. He’s not putting the guilt on me, I’m putting it on myself. And I’ve been working really hard to let it go. I continue to verbalize to him what I’m feeling and try to get him to share with me. I tell him how it makes me feel when he sits on the couch after we’ve both been working all day while I empty the dishwasher or cook supper. He’s trying to understand that while he doesn’t care one whit about the dishwasher, or what he eats for supper (hello frozen foods that can go in a microwave), or if the clutter is put away, I care. And he cares for me.
We’re trying to understand and figure it out in each season of the year that it’s different and our tolerance levels are different. I’m trying to feel less guilty when I do freelance writing during the day instead of late at night after a full day of work. He’s trying to help keep the house put together by participating in the daily cleaning and daily laundry we do (small amounts of time each day to try to keep up with all the things), and we’re both trying to keep the farm going and profitable.
All this to say, I’m content with what I have, but not satisfied. I don’t want more, or to be bigger, or be involved in more. I’m content where I am. I will continue to work to make small changes here and there to improve our quality of life. I will continue working on my mental health and reduce anxiety causing things. I will continue to adjust and prioritize the things that are important to me. I will cheer the people on that are achieving great things, but also recognize that I’m important too, even when I’m not doing the “great things.” Saving baby calves and taking care of cattle and growing crops and living a life with a man that, while not perfect, is continually trying with me, is enough.
Kelsey Pagel is a Kansas farmer. She grew up on a cow/calf and row crop operation and married into another. Kelsey and her Forever (Matt) farm and ranch with his family where they are living their dream and loving most of the moments.
